My Autobiography

We don’t get to choose the families we are born into, nor can we predict the challenges that will break us. My journey began with a love story that eventually devolved into a cycle of shouting and resentment, forcing me to grow up fast and learn independence the hard way. Yet, out of that pain came resilience, a definition of the kind of man I want to become, and the realization that even the hardest lives are full of hidden magic.

My life began with the love story of my mama Princess Javier and tatang Jomer Vidad. They met at a PREX (Parish Renewal Experience) seminar at a church, where a mutual friend introduced them. They started out as friends, but eventually fell in love. It reached a point where they decided to elope because my mom didn't want to go back home to my grandmother anymore. When my grandparents found out that my mom was pregnant, they decided to get them married while my older sister was still in the womb. Two years later, on April 18, 2006, their handsome youngest child arrived, and that was me. My mom told me that when I was a baby, I rarely cried, but I absolutely refused to drink formula milk. Once I grew a bit older and became a little aware of the world, my mischievous side came out. Even so, I was a simple kid who was always very affectionate toward my parents. My absolute favorite breakfast back then was rice mixed with coffee, and I still remember how much of a struggle it was for my mom to bathe me before school when I was in kindergarten.

My elementary years were when I turned into a bit of a crybaby. I was highly sensitive, so my feelings were easily hurt. Back then, I acted tough and arrogant on the outside, but deep down, I was actually quite faint-hearted. Even so, I was an academic achiever, consistently ranking in the top three of my class. I participated in radio broadcasting and even became the Boy Scout leader for our entire town. But the one elementary school memory I will never forget is my graduation day, because as far as I can remember, that was the last time I ever hugged my father.

Once I started high school, I began growing distant from my parents, especially from my father. I still remember when I was in Grade 7, I joined a hip-hop competition. We lost, and I didn’t receive even a shred of praise from him. Instead, he just got angry at me because I hadn't taken off my costume yet. Whenever I made a mistake, he would always tell me I was growing up stupid. That was when I started harboring a deep resentment toward him, one that still hasn't gone away to this day.

During the height of the pandemic, things got even worse, and I gained even more painful memories. I became more comfortable isolating myself in my room, to the point that whenever my parents and I fought, I would lock myself away for the entire day. I even remember when I got bitten by a snake; instead of being worried, my tatang just got furious and hurled harsh words at me. My resentment toward my dad ran even deeper when I found out he was cheating. That issue dragged on in our family for a whole year, and my heart broke for my mom. Right then, I told myself that when I get married and have a family of my own, I will make sure to be a good father and a faithful husband.

When I entered college, that was when I truly understood the hardships of life. I originally planned to take up maritime studies, but due to financial difficulties, I chose to pursue BSIT instead because it was more affordable and I could study for free at a university. As time went on, I learned to become more independent; whenever I wanted to buy something, I used the money I saved from my allowance.

I also stopped opening up to my family about almost all of my problems. Growing up, I never got used to comfortably expressing my feelings when they hurt me. I grew up in a family where shouting was the only solution, and they could never acknowledge their own mistakes. That’s why whenever I argue with my parents, I just choose to walk away and suppress my emotions, because I know deep down that no matter how many times I explain how I feel, they will never understand me.

But then Gia, my girlfriend, came into my life. She proved to me that I don't always have to be strong, and because of her, I learned to allow myself to be vulnerable. Because of her, I'm no longer afraid to make mistakes and I've realized it's okay not to be perfect. I also learned that no matter how hard the world treats me, there are still reasons to remain a good person. Even though my father didn't teach me how to be a real man, I'm still grateful that I managed to learn on my own. Though I know I'll face many more challenges in the future, I will be grateful for whatever life I am given because I know that through these challenges, opportunities will arise for me to become a better person.

I used to think my own life was nothing special, just a normal daily routine. But looking back, I can finally see how much magic and beautiful chaos was packed into the tiny moments I almost missed. A famous philosopher named Søren Kierkegaard once said

The ironic tragedy of life is that it must be lived forward, yet it is only understood in reverse